feeling the feeling

As soon as a soldier puts down his sword to rest, that’s when he gets attacked. I don’t know what emotion this is but this is my current emotion. I feel unprepared for an upcoming surprise attack. Someone’s watching hidden from a corner and waiting for me to put my sword down. And I can’t relax if I’m alert; the sword weighs me down. How do I close my eyes, how do I drink water, how do I exhale? And so I feel helplessly unprotected. This reminds me of a childhood chase dream I get once every 5 years – a gorilla, a very hairy gorilla with thick black hair is chasing to hunt me down in the middle of the forest and the only way out is to outrun him but I can’t make my feet move an inch.

I firmly believe in feeling the feeling. Acknowledge it. Welcome it. Analyze it. Understand it. Challenge it. Befriend it. Then wear a smile and say goodbye. If not, it may chase you down in form of a gorilla, a very hairy gorilla with thick black hair. And so that’s what I’m doing – I’m feeling the feeling.

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